I really really struggle with progesterone. I don't think anyone likes it - but I have a history of depression with it. When I first started taking it, I had really bad dreams that were like Nightmare on Elm Street. Really gory, lots of death (even before I had a loss). I would literally lay on the floor and cry for hours.
It's not nearly that bad anymore but...
Add to it:
- Tomorrow is my beta.
- Today is my latest due date. (Little Guy was our third loss in January.)
- I have gained 30 pounds in just under 3 years.
I can't help it but I have a really bad feeling about this cycle. And I know that it doesn't matter if I think it worked or not; I have absolutely no control over the outcome. I'm just so tired. And sad. And lonely.
And I miss the Little Guy that I never got to meet. And the two Little Girls that we lost before him.