Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Optimistic, Pessimistic or Realistic?

I'm just waiting for AF any day now and then will start my next round of IVF.  After all we have been through, it is no surprise that I am pessimistic about the outcome of this cycle.  Yeah yeah yeah - I might get pregnant, but when will I lose the baby?  That's what goes through my head.

I think that I am trying to remain pessimistic to guard myself for if something goes wrong - and the way my thinking goes lately it's more when something goes wrong rather than if.

But will the fall really hurt less if I am prepared?  Or think I'm prepared?  I don't think so.

I think it's time to take control of my thoughts and readjust them.  I could turn the dial a bit to a more realistic outcome - but if I'm going to change I'm going to go all the way.  I'm going to be optimistic.  I'm going to act as if this cycle is going to be the start of a healthy preganancy and a spring baby.  Each step - each shot, ultrasound, blood draw, STD culture - it is all leading towards a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby.

If I fall, it will hurt just as bad so I'm going to try to enjoy the next few weeks!!